Stepping back into November of last year, I wrote this.
I feel like stamping my feet in tantrum, yelling, “Its not fair”. I never got the memo telling me that we are seperate humans now, He has always been mine, connected and inseparable from birth! I committed my entire life to him, to teach him, to protect him from the world. But today, early in the morning, he didn’t look back. With his head held high, he walked through the gates to begin his life without me and I am left here, numb, wondering why my heart doesn’t understand. Its just not fair, because it seems, that I just never got the memo.”
This passage sums up the feeling of motherhood, of growing children leaving home. Its a tough gig this mum business! A constant growing and tearing of the heart. Two of my kids are now beautiful adults, Traveling the world, studying, working, living. Living outside of me. And I have really struggled with this transition.
I thought I would write myself a love letter to help me move forward during this season of motherhood.
Dear Pam.
This shouldn’t be such a surprise to you, you have watched the heights on the pantry door reach above you and your husband for a little while now, you drew them on yourself. A visual representation on reality every time you open the door. But I know that on the pinup board next to the hand drawn dates and names, photos of babies and toddlers smile at you, triggering the most gorgeous memories. Nostalgia is a funny thing and can sometimes bring you to your knees. But here we are. Grown adult children. They have your blood and flesh and sometimes you can see the family values you instilled in them shine through alongside their own. Dont cry for them, you have made every day with them since they were born count, that you can be sure of. No matter where they go from here on in, Just know that you will always be in deep devotion to them, this will never fade in you. Mothering doesn’t end it just looks different. You have given them love, taught them to love and shown them what love is. Thats all that matters here. This kind of love you have created together will never falter. It is now a new beginning for you, where a new type of freedom has stepped in and opened up. This brings new hope. So be open to it, I give you permission. You have done an exceptional job raising your babies and you have earned this time to sit quietly in reflection of what a wonderful time you have all had. So take in those precious moments as a loving kind of energy, driving you forward to give yourself the same time and love that you have for your children, you deserve it. Enjoy the freedom together.
Lots of Love and with much excitement, as he returns home from his travels.
Hugs all round
Pammy
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