This morning, I told myself, “I will roll out those slabs of clay to make those tumblers I have thought about for the last two months”. The morning is hot, our second heat wave week this month, so I better get out early, I need to be careful my clay doesn’t dry out too fast. With animals and garden attended, still in my pyjamas, I head out to the box of clay before my eagerness subsides. The big bag of dark matter I want to use for this project, (This clay is new to me, very soft, very expensive), feels to me like a big overwhelming job, one I do not want to get wrong. Hmmmm I wonder, will it even work out, this plan I have in my head? I will just pop inside and make some tea first while I re think this idea.
This has been most days lately. I dont know if it is partly because of the beautiful distractions summer brings, or my overwhelming thoughts blocking my path. My husband calls this “Blank book anxiety”. Everything just seems so big and forced.
I left last year on a creative high. My ceramics were intuitive artworks created out of self expression and mindful moments. Working this way, through healing and peaceful moments, has always been my motivator.
In this place of vulnerability and truth lies a beautiful freedom. Its intimate and real, its where true creative expression comes from. I see it in my writing, in nature, in my yoga practice.
Living from this place of authentic thought can often be seasonal. Days of deep dark inward connection like winter or within movement, distractions and chasing the sun in summer. A reminder that we need to let go of the attachments of outcome and sit comfortably with being more in the moment.
As the heat of the day set in quickly this morning, I returned to my journal, poured some tea, took a breath and wrote unconsciously, messy, unedited and finally came to a place of understanding. I wrote, “Roll back your idea, just roll a ball of clay, hold it, pinch a pot, return to your Sadhana. Clay is not your worry, it is your expression, your self care. Lets settle in and learn more, lets not make it about getting things done, EVER! Summer is here and you should go be apart of it.”
It seems that actually, the day needs to look a little different after all. A lunch meeting with inspiring women then I will go follow the ocean and fill my days with floating goodness.
The clay will be there tomorrow, when you need it most, as will your yoga mat.