So, it’s December again. I am always so surprised at how fast we arrive here, but when I find the time to look back over it, I quickly realise it hasn’t been that fast after all. I do love this time of year though, when I can reflect on it all.
A year with terrible loss in our family, wonderful achievements, beautiful discoveries, adventures and the uncontrolled chaos of life. We meet ourselves at this point every year, reminding us that we are only human.
As a homeschool parent I look back over our time spent together. With the older kids, now young adults, finishing their school years with us, reminding me that this path, this sacrifice and all the hard work we spend nourishing and nurturing our kids has paid off with what we have gained in closeness and strength. These kids have worked their butts off and I’m crazy proud of their achievements. With my youngest still keen on being schooled at home I feel less worried and more excited for her future now that the older 2 made it through.
Personally, this year opened a creative door for me. With the discovery of ceramics, I hand made 108 Sadhana ceremonial cups over the span of 6 months, along with them I kept an honest journal for each cup created. I completed a diverse fungi and mushroom study through the winter, with microscopy, printing, preserving and painting. Along with many other creative projects, I grew a mindful garden and a permaculture school. And this is how it all happened.
The last few years finally caught up with me and I required deep rest and stillness. So I turned towards nature for healing and found inspiration, I found solace out in the forest amongst the fungi and flowing rivers. I studied hard, meditated long and listened deeply. I completed the course “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron and spent three months including the practices, morning pages, artist dates etc plus a few journaling activities from my own writing course, “Writing Yourself Strong” into my daily rhythm..
I spent many hours hiking, observing and being completely in the moment with it all. After some time and many creative projects later I was ready to step back out into the world and return to teaching yoga classes. To say the least, my art, nature and my garden played a very big role in keeping me moving forward this year. The more time I spent outdoors in nature, the more passionate I became in creating my lifestyle around it, within it and for it.
But what I learnt the most about myself this year, was how I found the river.
The most important thing I gave myself was time spent alone. At first, it felt lonely until it wasn’t and then it was as if I had finally learnt how to swim with the current rather than fight against the flow.
I wrote this in my morning pages around September.
How interesting life has become for me with the loss, purposeful or other, of people falling away until I find myself sitting on the edge of “loneliness”. Alone, or lonely would have once been thought of as a real affliction to myself, and don’t get me wrong, sometimes it really was, but that was just me, meeting myself where I am. It did seem like a torment at times, but the longer I sat there, the more I understood its purpose. Being alone was and is the pathway through and within back home to myself.
It gave me time to listen, to learn to love myself again, through living slower and simpler, closer to nature, closer to my creativity. (It opened a creative flow in me like nothing before).
I am fuller now than I ever was when I was surrounded by people. I have less distractions, expectations, demands and judgments, these days I chase my own dreams , I am here for me, I show up for this body, this mind, this creative outpour of healing and expression.
2022 was a great year for learning and creating. I surround myself with nature, time, a small loving group of creative humans and my garden.
Thanks for being here and reading my ramblings and unravelling of this past year. I wish you all a beautiful December what ever season you are in.
See you next time.
lots of love.
Pammy.
